


out of reach

by jeekies



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24649336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeekies/pseuds/jeekies
Summary: Jaemin, Jisung thinks, is the most oblivious person he's ever met. Either that or he's not being obvious enough.Jaemin, Jisung thinks, is the love of his life. It seems though, that the sentiment is not reciprocated.Jaemin, Jisung thinks, is the one who causes him to hurt the most.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Na Jaemin/Park Jisung
Comments: 11
Kudos: 64





	out of reach

**Author's Note:**

> this was suposed to be an entry to an nct bingo fic fest but i wasnt able to pass it to said fic fest so it's here instead! minor disclaimer though— i know nothing about college or university life so please don't take any college/uni experienced by the characters seriously because i have no idea what college life is about other than my research and the fics i've read. a little warning as well here that jaemin is kind of portrayed as an asshole (lowkey) in this fic, but it does not at all mirror how i see as a person. 
> 
> big thanks to allie for beta reading this for me! any mistakes on this fic are of my own! thank you to jona and neil as well for being a few of the people who listened to me rant about this fic and for motivating me!

If he thinks about it really hard, Jisung can recall all the little details of Jaemin he fell in love with. He loves how Jaemin smiles when he's up to no good, his warm embrace, and words of encouragement when Jisung hit his lowest of lows. His love for everyone, and how he treasures those he keeps close. 

If he thinks about it really hard, Jisung can recall almost every little point in his life where Jaemin hurt him the most. 

•••

_Play._

"Jisung, how do you know when you love someone?" 

Jisung looks up from his worksheet, vision blurry from the number of words and sheets he read through. 

"Why the sudden question?" He sighs. His head is already starting to hurt. The number of worksheets and essays he needs to finish already clouding his mind. _God_ _who said college was going to be fucking fun can stick it up the ass._

Chenle shifts, fiddles with his sweater paws. "I just— I just wanna know, Sungie." 

"Why ask me, Lele?" 

"Because you're my best friend! I trust you to not tell anyone about my question! And never mention it again!" 

Jisung looks at Chenle and the words ' _Because you've experienced it, you've been in love with Jaemin hyung for years.'_ painted on his face, a silent thought unsaid but present. 

"You have an awful lot of trust in me." Jisung pauses, standing from his seat to refill his coffee. "It's nice I guess; It makes you really happy when you see the person you love happy— like you'd do anything to make them feel safe and secure even if it's the last thing you do." He fills his cup with coffee and goes back to his seat. "It takes bravery to tell them you love them too. Even more to look them in the eye after you tell them."

He meets Chenle's eyes, a silent favor to not ask any more than he already answered. 

1:27 AM the clock glares. It is not the first time he stayed up late and thought about this.

\---

Oddly enough, the conversation never came up again. 

The next day, sleep-deprived and tired, Jisung makes breakfast for both of them. A silent thanks for pulling an all-nighter with him without needing to. 

He sets the table, knocks on his best friend's door to wake him, leaves a note on the fridge, and he sets off for class. 

When they meet for lunch later in the day, awkwardness is present. Unspoken words hang in the air. When they meet Renjun, Mark, and Jeno at the table it all dissipates. He smiles at Chenle, who wound his arm around Jeno's shoulders, and he knows that the conversation will never be brought up again. 

In short words and rushed thoughts, Chenle finds what he needs in Jisung's answer. 

•••

_Pause. Rewind. Play._

Jisung meets Jaemin at a party. 

He's underage at a party where people older than him are getting shit faced to avoid their problems. He only knows one person in the sea of people and said person has disappeared in the crowd, no doubt to get drunk and drown his problems away. 

The heavy bass of whatever pop music it is playing in the speaker reverberates through the whole house, sweaty—no doubt drunk— bodies dancing to it in the middle of the dance floor. Pushing through the crowd he heads for the kitchen. There, he grabs a beer, opens it, and drinks. He goes through 2 bottles of shitty beer and at that point he's only slightly buzzed. 

Leaning on the counter, he sips his 3rd bottle of beer. It'll be his last for the night, he decides. He positively cannot recall why he's here in the first place. He squints, trying to remember. He remembers going here with Chenle to celebrate passing exams.

 _Chenle_. 

Oh shit, he doesn't know where Chenle is. 

Startled— and only a little bit drunk— he walks out of the kitchen only to have another body collide into his.

"I'm sorry," body-crasher slurs to him, voice barely hearable over the bass of the music and too drunk to even pronounce his words properly. 

"Jaemin!" Someone shoves him and heads towards the body-crasher. 

"Jaemin please stop crashing into people." The man— the very handsome man, he dares say— cradles body crasher's face in his hands. "Where's Nana huh? You're shitfaced." 

Very handsome dude manhandles body-crasher— Jaemin to stand. 

"Nono!" Jaemin giggles then wobbles and leans into very-handsome-dude's touch. He pouts, 

"Nono, where's my Jack Daniels? I think Mark hid it." 

"Mark hid it because you keep drinking it straight from the fucking bottle." 'Nono' points out. 

He turns to Jisung. "Hi, I'm Jeno. Could you um— maybe help Jaemin up the stairs?" He gestures to the stairs and practically shoves the very drunk boy into Jisung's arms. "His room is the two doors to the right. I have to handle a mosh pit happening in the living room. I'm sorry. Thanks!" And he leaves. 

"Hi!" Jaemin giggles, cuddles into Jisung's arms. "I'm Jaemin." He passes out. 

Jisung tries his best, he really does. He tries to pull Jaemin up to his room without having his head hit the walls and open doors, but on the way up his head is hit around 3 or 4 times and Jisung hopes it doesn't do any permanent damage. 

He pulls Jaemin into the room and removes his shoes, tucks him in, and as he starts to leave Jaemin shifts in bed and starts to sob. Jisung approaches him, squats next to the bed, and lulls Jaemin back to sleep. It should feel _weird_. Consoling a sleeping, sobbing stranger in his room. And it _does_ feel weird, but he continues nonetheless. He whispers empty but encouraging words to a stranger as he puts him back to sleep.

 _"Go to sleep, Jaemin-ah. Whatever it is that haunts you tonight, face it tomorrow. Rest for now."_

•••

_Pause. Forward. Play_

Chenle and Jeno announce that they're dating. Jisung is not surprised but everyone else is. At first, Renjun is upset at Chenle for hiding his feelings from him, and later on corners Jeno to give him a talk. Mark congrats them, and pours everyone drinks.

Jaemin is absent. As always. At this point, it's not surprising anymore. Disappointing, yes— but not surprising.

Donghyuck basically inhales his drink the moment Jisung hands it to him. Donghyuck takes another. And another. And another. A few more, and a moment after he hangs himself on Jisung's back and coddles him. 

"Jisung-ah, why are yousad? Why is my bubba sad? Come here I'll give you kisses to make it feel better." 

"Hyung," he complains. "Hyuck— Hyung get off me." 

"No! I'll give you a kiss, Sungie. It'll make the hurt go away!" He lands a kiss on Jisungs cheek. He kisses him more on the forehead, he covers Jisung's face in kisses.

"There!" He lands a final soft kiss into the button of Jisung's nose. Satisfied, he leans his head on the other's shoulder. "Does it hurt less Jisungie? Did it make the boo-boo go away? Jaem always told me kisses make the pain hurt a little less." 

"Of course it did Hyungie." He swallows the rest of his gin. It burns his throat, he winces. "Your kisses always do the best job at making the pain go away." 

•••

_a few leaps back. Pause. Rewind. Play._

Jisung, Renjun, and Chenle integrate into Jeno and Jaemin's friend group seamlessly. They're approached by Jeno, who thanks Jisung for taking care of drunk Jaemin. He invites them for lunch and everything goes well from there. 

They meet Mark and Donghyuck, Jeno, and Jaemin's highschool friends. Mark who is reserved and awkward, but endearing nonetheless. And Donghyuck, who's boisterous attitude gives no place for awkwardness at the table. They give Jisung, Chenle, and Renjun a place within their friend group and nothing to Jisung has felt more right. 

Jisung sits across from Jaemin. Every day since they were invited to sit with them for lunch. Jaemin smiles at him every time. 

Jaemin laughs and makes everyone feel accommodated. He listens as though every word the other says is the most important thing he's ever heard. As though if he misses a part, everything else the other says won't make sense. He makes sure everyone eats enough, and he reminds everyone to take care of themselves. 

Jaemin loves _love_. He loves to give and give and he expects nothing in return.

He doesn't _want_ anything in return. 

But that was only part of the reason why Jisung fell.

•••

_Pause._

It's not the first time Jisung thinks about how his life would have been if he never helped Jaemin Na up those stairs. 

Would he have met Mark? Would Chenle and Jeno be together? Would he be happier? Will he have experienced his first real heartbreak at the hands of someone else or would he still be one of those who's never experienced being in love?

•••

_Play._

Jisung can't breathe. 

His throat is sore, and his nose clogged and runny. He sneezes every once in a while and when he does it feels _disgusting_. His head is pounding and if Chenle's hands on his forehead are any indication he probably has a fever too. 

"You have to go to the Clinic," Chenle concludes. "You already have a fever, Ji. It won't do you any good to stay in class."

He groans, head still fuzzy. "Lele, I need to pass this class."

"I'll take notes for you. I'll even color organize them like you do, okay? _Please_. I'll drop you off at the Clinic." 

Jisung appreciates it. He does really, but they don't have time. The class starts in 5 minutes and the Clinic is in the next building over. If Chenle drops him off at the Clinic he'll be late and he'll miss the first few minutes of class.

So Jisung stands, albeit sluggishly so and tells Chenle that he can handle himself. That he'll go to the Clinic alone and that Chenle should stay in the classroom and wait for the professor to arrive. Jisung leaves his things with him and heads out. 

Jisung is halfway there— passing the courtyard between the two buildings, head pounding, and he lowkey feels like he's ready to just hurl the little breakfast he had that morning— when a voice calls out to him. 

"Jisungie!"

He feels himself fall before he even registers the voice. A body (the body of whoever called him) collides into him, jumping on his back and he has no willpower or strength to keep both of them up; so his knees buckle from the force and they fall. And Jisung— sick, head pounding and fever rising— passes out. 

\--

He wakes up in a Clinic Bed with an anxious Jaemin sitting next to it. 

"Jisung!" Jaemin exclaims. "Hold on I'll call Ms. Kim." 

Jaemin leaves his bedside and goes to call Ms. Kim. She tells Jisung that his fever has subsided for now because he was given meds and that he should take a day or two off school so he can rest. 

Jaemin jumps at the opportunity to accompany him back to his apartment. Jisung doesn't want to risk it. Because Jisung _knows_ that he can't take care of himself for shit and he's afraid of being alone and vulnerable to a fever. 

So Jisung lets Jaemin take him home. When they arrive Jaemin makes soup, eats with him, and makes sure he's tucked in. 

When Jisung wakes, Jaemin is there. Jaemin stays and takes care of him until his fever and cold passes.

Jaemin is there when he gets sick every time after that.

•••

_Pause._

They form a bond. Jaemin and Jisung. It's nothing like the bond Jaemin and Jeno have— it's extremely different from the bond Jisung and Chenle have too. 

It's something tender, something that needs to be tended to in order for it to grow properly— healthily. _Something breakable._ So Jisung, being the most Jisung that he is, approaches it with delicacy, makes sure that it's tended to, makes sure he puts effort into making it flourish into something greater. 

But Jaemin does not notice the effort, doesn't notice the way he's the only one Jisung let's cling onto him with very minimal complaints. Doesn't notice how Jisung gives him extra attention. Doesn't notice how Jisung is at his every beck and call. Doesn't notice how Jisung cracks under rejection and how he's the only one that can put him back together with ease. 

Jaemin is oblivious. So Jisung does _more_.

More to make him notice how Jisung is _so so_ _so_ in love with him. And how desperate he is to be loved back.

°

_Play. How far do you think he'll go without breaking?_

_°_

The phone buzzes on the bedside table.

From the bed, Jisung groans. He reaches his hand out blindly searching for the phone on the tabletop. Struggling, he lifts his head- eyesight blurry from sleep- he grabs his phone. 

_A new message has arrived!_

**_Jeno:_ ** _Jisung-ah_

He swipes left. 

He gets comfortable on the bed and starts to doze off. The phone buzzes again. 

_A new message has arrived!_

**_Jeno:_ ** _Jisungie_

He swipes it away.

The phone buzzes again.

_A new message has arrived!_

**_Jeno:_ ** _If you don't answer I'm gonna call you._

He picks it up and replies.

**_To: jeno_ **

_I was sleeping :(_

_what do u want_

_i wanna go back to sleep_

_pls reply quickly_

**_From: jeno_ **

_Oh you actually replied_

**_To: jeno_ **

_please get to the point_

**_From: jeno_ **

_oh okay_

_Can you come over to the apartment?_

_Jaem's sick_

**_To: jeno_ **

_hyung :((_

_why do i have to go?_

**_From: jeno_ **

_I'm going out of town Jisungie_

_No one's gonna take care of him_

_You know how he gets when he's sick_

_Please_

**_To: jeno_ **

_why can't renjun hyung do it?_

_he's better at it than i am_

**_From: jeno_ **

_I already called him_

_He has class until 6 so he can_

_only come over then._

_Please, Sung_

_I'm leaving in 20 minutes, I can't open the door for you when you come but you know the code already._

_Call me if you or jaem need anything okay?_

**_To: jeno_ **

_okay._

_for nana hyung_

_i'll be there in a while i just have to look_

_not dead first lol_

_**From: jeno** _

_Thank you so much Sung!!!!_

_I'll buy u that exo album u want when i get back!_

He counts it as a win. He has to deal with a clingy and sick Jaemin but he counts it as a win either way. He only needs to take care of Jaemin until 6 pm, make sure he eats, is hydrated, and not dead when Renjun comes and he gets an Exo album out of it.

Jisung, in simple words— doesn't like taking care of sick people. It's one of the many reasons why he didn't take Nursing even though it was one of the options pushed onto him. The process of taking care of another is too taxing for him, he worries too much either to the point of overdoing things or not doing enough. 

He remembers when they were young. When he and Chenle were playing tag in the latter's backyard. Chenle tripped over a rock and cried. Jisung, at that time 8 years old, hurried over to his crying friend, attempting to console him but ended up being the one crying instead. There was so much blood, little Jisung thought (there really wasn't much it was just a small scratch).

So yeah, Nursing— although a good profession— would be too overwhelming for him. 

The door lock lets out little beeps as he punches in the apartment code and the door frame doesn't squeak like it does at their old dorm house. 

"Jaemin hyung?" Jisung calls out to the unusually quiet apartment. 

He makes his way toward the bedrooms."Hyung? It's Jisung." 

He knocks on the door. "Hyung, please don't be dead Jeno hyung will kill me." 

Still no response. 

Jisung thinks he must be sleeping. He calls out a soft _hyung I'm coming in._ And thinks to himself _please be decent and not dead._

When he sees Jaemin sleeping soundly on the bed he sighs in relief. 

A little while after Jaemin wakes up on his own with a full bladder and lots of complaints. 

"Jisung- ah, why is it so hot?"

"Jisung, why is it so cold?"

"Jisung, food."

"Jisung, my head hurts."

Jisung helps him out to the best of his ability and makes sure to double-check what meds he gives him. 

When 6:30 pm comes and Renjun barges through the door, Jisung is sleeping peacefully on the couch with a sleeping Jaemin's head on his shoulder. 

Jisung does not feel relief when he walks out the door back to his dorms.

°°°

_Pause._

Jisung realizes he's in love with Jaemin on a rainy day. The sky is dark, the air cold, clouds heavy with rain and outside the sky cries tears for the boy who's fallen in love. 

But Jisung glows. Because the feeling of loving someone is a foreign feeling and loving Jaemin, he thought, is the best feeling in the world. 

°

_A few steps forward. Play_

_°_

Jisung can't breathe.

This time he's not sick. He does not feel the burning of his throat or the pain of having a cough wrack through his body. Instead, he feels someone hold his waist, the wall against his back, and the press of lips against his. 

Jisung can't breathe because he's holding his breath, afraid that if he exhales and shifts, the moment he's been dreaming of for months will break. 

His back is against the wall, his hands are frozen at his sides, and he is kissed by the man he's been in love with for years. 

Lips are on his, and the next moment it is not. 

"Mistletoe," Jaemin pulls back to whisper.

Jisung's eyes instinctively trail upwards and yes, there is a mistletoe there.

He winds out a shaky laugh and tries to break away from the other's hold. Jaemin does not let go. Instead, their eyes meet as a pressure of lips against his comes back. 

This one is not like the first. It is not chaste, not sweet, but it is still gentle. 

_How very Jaemin._

It takes him a few moments to realize. It takes a few moments to kick in. 

_He's making out with Jaemin._

Jaemin, who he's been in love with for years. 

Jaemin, who has always been unreachable in his eyes, always so close only a breath away from his grasp. 

Jaemin who has no clue that the one he's kissing is in love with him.

Jisung panics. Anxiety rushing towards his head and adding questions he knows no answer to. The mantra of _'Does he know?' 'Does he know?' 'Does he know?'_ relentlessly.

He does not. Jisung has never told him. No one has. So Jisung lets himself sink into his love and allows himself this small pleasure. Because he knows that after this, it will not happen again.

-

Jisung is smashed. 

Mark's arm hangs on his shoulder and their semi cuddling on the couch of a house he doesn't _know_ the owner to. He knows though that the host is Hyunjin, a liberal arts major- a friend of Renjun but he doesn't _know_ him- not personally at least.

He's seen him though. In the hallways of the Music building while waiting for Chenle; in the pavilion, he frequently passes from class-to-class. He's seen him here too- in one of the hallways connecting the rooms under dim lights sucking face with Jaemin. 

It's what prompted him to get drunk after all. _That_ and his attempt at making alcohol drown away feelings.

He knows it doesn't work. That instead of helping him, it makes him feel worse. He knows though that the haze of alcohol and the numb feeling it gives him is only temporary. That tomorrow when the sun shines again, he will remain as the foolish boy who thought that maybe, _just maybe,_ he is loved back because he was kissed. 

-

One of Chenle's most admirable traits is that he's a very blunt person. He was the first one to tell Mark when he messed up whatever was happening between him and Renjun. He was the one who walked up to Jeno's stalker and punched the stalker in the face. He was the first one who told Jisung's bully off in kindergarten.

In other words, he is brave and brazen. 

Chenle is the first one to confront him about his feelings. The first one to hold him when he cried over a boy who did not love him back. The one who stayed by side when their friend group almost tattered into pieces because Mark and Renjun broke it off. 

Chenle is the first to know about what happened at the party. He knows not because he saw, but because he had to hold his best friend back together again when he breaks again.

He is the only one Jisung tells. 

•••

The next day he decides to confess to Jaemin. The day after that he does. The next day, the next week Jaemin does not approach him. They don't text, and it's radio silence from there. They don't talk about it. _Hell_ , they don't even talk to each other.

When the classes start up again Jisung passes by him through the halls, instinct telling him to say hello or greet or just _talk_ to him, but Jaemin passes him without a glance. Jaemin sits with the group during lunch, laughing and doting on the others like nothing's wrong. 

_Maybe nothing is wrong._

Maybe the only one thinking about this is Jisung. 

Maybe in Jaemin's world he has forgotten the memory. Maybe in Jaemin's world, there is no moment of him kissing Jisung drunkenly against the wall. There is no moment of Jisung confessing to him in the light ambiance of Kun's Cloud Coffee Shop

And here's the thing— Jisung hopes that it is that. That that's the reason Jaemin doesn't speak to him, doesn't sit next to him, doesn't dote on him like he used to, _doesn't acknowledge his existence._ But Jisung knows that it's not that. 

Jaemin sits across from him next to Jeno, poking him and teasing. Jisung's face sours, this is the first time in weeks that he's in the same vicinity as Jaemin and it only shows that the older has no intention of talking to him. 

Everything is fine (read: not really) until it's not. 

Jaemin introduces Hyunjin to their group. He introduces him as his boyfriend and that they only recently got together. Hyunjin exchanges pleasantries with the others and Jisung shoots him a strained smile. He leaves shortly after that, only pressing a kiss to Jaemin's lips and heading towards his own friend group.

He is upset, there's no doubt about that. Yet he keeps silent, he has no right to be upset that he knows. But it would've been nice to be rejected properly, be told that they're not interested and have a boyfriend instead of being given an _'I'll have to think about it, Jisung-ah.',_ left alone at a café and ignored and ghosted for weeks. 

For now, though, he lets it go. _This is not the proper time for this,_ he thinks.

There must've been something wrong with his expression, or lack thereof because Donghyuck calls out to him: "Bubba, what's wrong?"

Jisung only shakes his head, eyes trained on his food. At his side he can feel Chenle tense up, hands clenching around the chopsticks he's holding.

"Jisung-ah, is there something wrong? Are you sick? Are you okay?" Donghyuck asks again.

Everyone's eyes are on Jisung. He shakes his head again. 

"Jisung, there's obviously something wrong, why don't you just spit it out." This time, the words are harsh, forceful. It's Jaemin speaking. 

"Like you wouldn't know when you're the reason he's like this in the first place," Chenle sneers. 

Jaemin stills, so does everyone else at the table. Jisung grabs Chenle's forearm, fingers clenching around the fabric. His eyes are on him, wide and begging. Chenle doesn't notice, his eyes glaring and murderous. He doesn't stop. 

"What? Can't speak? Come on, Jaemin, don't be a little bitch. Tell us exactly what's wrong."

"I-," Jaemin starts. "I don't know what's wrong with him."

Chenle laughs, slow, mad, and not at all how he does when he's happy. Chenle grins, bright with no mirth, then he speaks. 

"What, Jaemin? You can't tell us?-" 

Jisung is pulling at his sleeve now, eyes begging him silently to stop. To not make things blow up any more than it is.

"You can't tell us how much you enjoy pulling him along? How you like how he looks at you? How much he fucking adores you? Do you enjoy it? Stringing him along like this, giving him hope and then crushing it so easily?" 

Silence resonates on the table. None of them has seen Chenle so furious. So unlike himself. 

Donghyuck's eyes are on Jisung, Renjun, and Mark's on Jaemin as though they can make him explain if they keep on glaring. It's Jeno who breaks the silence with a sharp _'What the hell are you talking about?'_ directed at Chenle. 

Chenle breaks his glare directed at Jaemin, to direct it to Jeno instead. "Why don't you ask _him_ what happened?" He cocks his head in Jaemin's direction. 

Jisung pulls Chenle away before it gets any worse.

\--

Chenle apologizes for crossing lines, and he is forgiven. 

The worst thing that came out of it was the attention directed at him. The sudden influx of head pats from Mark, the extra cuddling time with Donghyuck, and the lingering stares of Renjun before he drops the bag full of candies in his lap. 

One day he was Jisung— their youngest friend, and then the next he's Jisung, a boy who just experienced his first heartbreak. 

The way everything yet absolutely nothing changed is almost laughable. He still wakes up at 7 to go to class, he still eats with his friends, he still maintains higher than average test scores and he still dances to release stress after school. The only difference now is that almost every time of the day Jisung has someone to accompany him in everything. Chenle cooks him breakfast and eats with him in the morning; Donghyuck walks with him to the campus because the Campus Hospital he attends is the closest to the Philosophy building; Renjun is a silent but constant presence with the buzzing of his phone with every text. Mark gives him treats and sweets when he passes him by the halls, and Jeno is there in the practice room when he stops by every once in a while to dance. 

The presence of his friends is comforting, a reminder that they are here for him when it gets quiet. He's grateful for them, but it gets suffocating. 

He hasn't had time to process anything that occurred in the past week. It hasn't sunk in yet, the fact that Chenle technically cut-off Jaemin from his life from there onwards unless he finds a way to fix the mess he did with Jisung— or until Jisung moves on and heals enough to be able to spend time with him. 

So when the processing does occur, he's rendered bedridden with a fever for days. His body does not deal well with the stress of his academics, the strain of his physical activities, and the sudden anxiety and depression the realization of his heartbreak brings, so one day, on a bright sunny day, he collapses in the middle of the hall and he wakes up in the hospital. 

Jaemin is not there.

•••

_Pause. Fast forward. Play._

That day he goes home alone. 

He looks up at the tall building in front of him and heads for the doors. He staggers on his feet, but he maintains himself to keep upright. He reaches the elevators and makes a mess of pressing multiple buttons until he gets the right one. 

The doors close and the elevator goes _ping! ping! ping!_ every time it opens to a floor he definitely mistakenly pressed until he arrives at the floor he actually lives in. 

He's not drunk, per se. He's just really fucking smashed. 

He stumbles his way out of the elevator, onto the floor, and into his apartment he shares with Chenle. Which reminds him _; Is Chenle gonna move out now that he's with Jeno? Is he gonna have to move to a smaller apartment? Is he gonna have to find a new roommate? Is Chenle gonna_ leave _him to move in with Jeno?_

In his drunken stupor, he hauls himself into the bed and sends a few messages before he hits lights out.

-

Ideally, a perfect Saturday morning would be waking up on his own at 8 am without a massive headache, and body pain.

Rising from his bed, Jisung wraps a blanket around his shoulders and as quietly as he can heads towards the kitchens. There's a pounding headache reverberating through his skull like a heavy metal rock band just decided to hold a concert with the theme 'be as loud as you can be' hosted in his head. 

The morning is quiet without Chenle in the apartment. As he opens the fridge, the clink of bottles disturbs the peace. He fills his glass with water, before setting it down on the table. 

_God his head is aching._

He activates the electric kettle, silently ponders on if coffee is worth the boost. His hand reaches for the cabinet where the instant coffee packages are hidden but stops himself. He can hear Renjun's nagging voice telling him _'Drink Green tea instead of coffee in the morning instead of coffee especially with a hangover.'_ like the hypocrite he is. And in the end, he ends up preparing breakfast and tea for one. 

Wrapped in a bathrobe, Jisung rubs and pats his hair with a towel as he crosses the hall towards his room. The mess, which coincidentally is also his room, greets him when he opens the door. He eyes the clothes on the floor with disgust before he hangs his towel on his neck, goes to the laundry room, grabs a basket, and promptly puts all scattered clothes in his room into it. He makes a mental note to do the laundry later. 

Feeling bare, he changes into comfortable clothes. After he fixes his bed, he changes the sheet and makes a show of jumping into the bed just because he can. 

The mattress is soft under his weight, but the small rough and very solid patch of something is hard to ignore. So he wriggles around and reaches toward the area where he can feel the patch and promptly pulls it free under him and he's met with his phone. 

The screen lights up with another notification, and he opens it. The messenger app has a red dot with the number 53 in it. He presses on it. The app opens and the most recent text is from his conversation with Donghyuck; 

**_Hyuck_ **

_So lke_

_If u cud trn into AMYTHING_

_nd i mean ANYTHING_

_wht woild itbe?)?/????_

The timestamp reads 3 am and he guesses that this was a drunk text sent to him after the older went home. He chuckles. _'If it's like,,, anything anything, i'd be either be a really cool bird like a phoenix or something OR i'd be music',_ he replies. 

The next message thread is from his cellular service, so he ignores that. The next is from Chenle. 

**_Chenle_ **

_Are you kicking me out?_ 🤣

_But like no_

_Also did u get home safe?_

To his about horror the string of messages from him is _'so r u gnna mpve out npw nd lesve mw alone_ 😭?' and a bunch of crying emojis and a gif of a dog with puppy eyes. He replies, _'i did and i hope u used protection'_

The other texts are just from Renjun and Mark, asking if he made it home safe and that if he needs anything to call them. The one at the bottom of his unread messages though is one he never thought he'd receive. 

He's caught in a huge moment of stillness as he looks at the contact name, now with a black bold text indicating that a message is waiting to be read. _His_ message is waiting to be read. His fingers tremor as he presses the message thread

**_nana_ **(◍•ᴗ•◍)

_I know we're not really in the best relationship right now. But if you'll allow it, can we talk???? Please. At Kun's Cloud Café, like old times._

Jisung glares at his phone, at the message. _'At Kun's Cloud Café'_ the message reads. The fucking _nerve_ of him to ask to meet at that place. To ask him to meet at all. Bile rises up his chest and makes its presence known at his throat. He takes a long time calming himself down. 

He closes the app. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! please leave a comment or a kudos if you liked it ｡◕‿◕｡!


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